Plan 9½ from Outer Space
by SilverStar186
Summary: If Zim thought that Dib was annoying, what will he think of his new challenger, Crypto, in his quest to take over the Earth? Invader Zim & Destroy All Humans crossover! Possibly the 1st!
1. The Worst of Acquaintances

Plan 9½ from Outer Space

Ss186: (playing Destroy All Humans!) Huh? Oh howdy there! Yeah, I know, Hikari and I have been gone for awhile…

Kori: More like a few years…

Ss186: -- Shut it… Anyway, I–

Kori: WE!

Ss186: Fine… We came up with this while playing one of THE best games EVER along with Kingdom Hearts II… DESTROY ALL HUMANS!

Kori: The story was basically inspired because the almighty Richard Horvitz who gives life to our beloved Invader Zim is now also Orthopox a.k.a. Pox.

Ss186: Plus Crypto is just awesome…

Kori: That too…

Reader: GET TO THE FRIGGIN' STORY ALREADY!

Ss186 & Kori: Sheesh… Okay…

DISCLAIMER: Anything pertaining to Invader Zim & Destroy All Humans! belongs to the appropriate companies/groups, and I wish I owned mutant weasels.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Worst of Acquaintances

Zim was out with his faithful but insane robot/doggy companion, GIR, for his next evil scheme. The night was a perfect cover for their operation. Well, almost perfect because of the streetlights. GIR was carrying a large box filled with squirming shadowed creatures. On the side of the box were the words "Mutant Vermin", but "Vermin" had been crossed out and replaced by "Weasels".

"This mutant weasels plan was INGENIUS! The Dib-Worm had put my mutant vermin scheme out of commission, but even the lowly Dib cannot stop the awesome might that are WEASELS!" Zim exclaimed a bit too loudly, like he always did. "GIR, another weasel!"

GIR sniffled, "Goodbye Greta! I loveded you! I LOVEDED YOU!"

GIR reluctantly handed "Greta" to Zim. The Irken invader quickly tossed Greta through an open window that the pitiful humans forgot to close. There were screams of pain and doom and a huge unnecessary explosion, but Zim laughed nevertheless. Then another scream was heard in a nearby alley.

"I–I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MAN!"

"Of course not… Lemme put this in terms you'd understand, monkey boy, and if I don't get the answers I'm lookin' for, I'll get my answers the hard way. What do you know about a UFO crashing here!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Fine… The hard way it is…"

A huge mechanical whirring noise filled the alley. Zim peeked around the corner (the pain and suffering was too good to ignore) and watched as a probe drilled its way into the human's skull. A gray figure stood about three feet high and had a blue glow coming from its hands. The human cried out in pain and flailed around in his restraints. Zim had to keep himself from hysterical laughter, but it came out anyway.

"PITIFUL HUMAN! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim laughed loudly.

The figure turned around, "Hey! I'm workin' over here so would ya mind keepin' it down?"

"What! How dare you insult the Irken elite! GIR, attack mode!"

"SIR!" GIR flipped out of his doggy costume with his menacing red eyes. Just as it seemed as if GIR was actually going to listen, GIR pulled a squeaky moose out of his head and sat on the ground happily. "WEEEEEEEE!"

Zim growled, "GIR!"

"If you're done, I'd like to go back to business…"

Just at that moment, Orthopox decided to show up out of nowhere.

"Whaddya want now, slave driver?" the other asked.

"Crypto! What have I told you about the Irken scum?"

"Let them live in their stupid fantasy world?" Crypto asked.

Orthopox screamed, "NO, YOU INCOMPETENT WASTE OF FURON DNA! They mean to take over the universe, and that includes the planets in the Furon Empire! We cannot allow that to happen, no matter how idiotic the Irkens may be!"

"Pox, it takes an idiot to know an idiot…"

Pox just sighed angrily and ended the transmission. Crypto looked to his human captive to see that the probe had been on too long and ripped through the moron's skull.

Crypto sighed, "I lose more brain stems that way…"

Zim looked questioningly, "Why do you need brain stems?"

"None of your business, Irken moron! Besides, this crummy little planet and the filthy humans that live on it will be wasted after I find 136," Crypto said anxiously. "That's the fun part."

"Oh… That sounds cool…"

Crypto flew off using his jetpack and Zim just stood there, in deep thought. GIR was still playing with his squeaky moose. They were surrounded in almost complete silence until…

"Wait… THE EARTH IS MINE TO DESTROY!" Zim turned to GIR, "GIR! I did not expect an encounter with another alien race. It's time to try my AWESOMELY GIANORMOUS SUPER WEAPON! Come GIR, to THE BASE!"

**: Later on… :**

Crypto was leisurely harvesting Furon DNA from the daft human's craniums, and was thoroughly enjoying himself. (You'd enjoy it too if you had Crypto's arsenal.) Now, though, he had about 1450 strands of Furon DNA. Almost enough for that upgrade Pox had so torturously held just out Crypto's grasp for the price of 1500 strands of Furon DNA.

'Cheap bastard…' the Furon thought. 'Ah well, at least this form of currency comes with a free show for me.'

Then, as thunderous stomping approached, Crypto readied his Disintegrator Ray.

'These monkeys don't have anything won't take about five seconds to annihilate!'

"HEY! THE EARTH IS MINE TO DESTROY!" Zim yelled.

The Irken invader had literally announced his presence. Zim was sitting in a huge robot. It was a bronze color with the Irken symbol emblazoned boldly in bright red. It had huge powerful arms with over twenty missiles on each of them. Laser cannons were welded to the robot's shoulders. It was complete with rockets in the feet, which Zim hadn't thought to use. GIR was sitting behind Zim eating a waffle sammich, as GIR affectionately called them sometimes.

Crypto was obviously not impressed, "That's it?"

"WHAT! YOU ARE NOT FILLED WITH FEAR AT THE SIGHT OF MY AWESOMELY GIANORMOUS SUPER WEAPON!"

"No, and do ya have to yell everything you say?"

"I guess not… WAIT! YES, I DO! AND YOU SHALL QUAKE WITH FEAR AFTER I'M DONE WITH YOU, FURON!…THAT IS IF I LEAVE SOME OF YOU LEFT TO QUAKE BEFORE ME!"

Crypto sighed and blasted the Irken symbol. It had been hiding Zim's robot's power core. The cylinder of power had cracked from the blast and bolts of electricity were shooting out of it. An automated voice sounded just as Crypto took off to find more human victims.

"Core meltdown in 5…4…"

"CURSE YOU CRYPTO! CUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRSSSSSSSEEEEE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

"2…"

Zim screamed non-intelligible things and started to spaz out. GIR was screaming along with him, but had no idea why his master was screaming. GIR just liked screaming.

"1… Goodbye!"

**: At Zim's base :**

The dysfunctional duo came inside the base, greeted by the Robo-Parents, and the indestructible (at least not destroy-able from huge explosions) GIR ran into the kitchen. Zim, on the other hand, looked horrible with his wig askew and dirt marks on his face.

"TACOS!" GIR came out with his saved tacos.

Zim called the almighty Tallest for advice on to deal with his newfound enemy. Dib was nowhere near as annoying as this Crypto character. Plus, Crypto had better weaponry and was more clever than any human, which wasn't a good comparison, but nevertheless…

"MY TALLEST! I have a request which will speed up my annihilation of the humans!"

Red replied flatly, "Will you shut up if we help you?"

"Yes…"

Purple shrugged, "That sounds fair."

"What is your request, Zim? And make it quick," Red snapped.

"What do you know about the Furon Empire, My Tallest?"

Purple, who had been eating a donut, spat out all of his donut from shock, "THE FURON EMPIRE!"

"Did this Furon talk to one called Orthopox? Or maybe a "Pox"?" Red asked anxiously.

"Yes, why do you ask, My Tallest?"

The almighty Tallest exchanged shocked glances, then went back to Zim.

"Is something wrong, My Tallest?" Zim asked, a bit concerned.

Red cleared his throat, "Uhh… No! Of course not! But, Zim, we have other matters to attend to, so we shall respond later with your answers."

"But we don't have anything else to do…" Purple said.

"SHUT IT!" Red yelled, then cut the transmission.

Zim tried to call them once more, but he was unsuccessful. The line was busy.

"Hmm… My Tallest seemed a bit jumpy. It might have been from all the sugary snacks… Oh well… Time to check on my latest experiments. Computer, take me to…" Zim held out a dramatic pause, "THE VAMPIRE BUNNIES!"

The floor under Zim turned into an elevator where he descended into the depths of his lab and out of this chapter. GIR was absentmindedly watching Earth TV and eating tacos. Mini Moose came in with the Poop drinks and they both watched a classic horror movie, The Man-Eating Spleen. They both laughed at the gory violent parts and then promptly exploded.

* * *

Kori: Salut! Ça va? Hello! How are you?

Ss186: Hey, you survived through the first chapter! Yeah, I know it probably sucks, but we have to get back into this slowly, okay?

Kori: (looking at story above) I read a book about vampire bunnies once. Bunnicula, I think it was. (to readers) Is that right? It's been a couple of years. Where the bunny drains the veggies and they turn all white or something like that?

Ss186: Another thing: Is it just me or does it seem like the rules on this site are getting stricter? I mean, I just came back and when I looked at all the stuff now…

Kori: It was an eye opener. Did something happen? If anyone knows, could you explain?

Ss186: Anyway, you know the old saying!

Kori & Ss186: Read & Review! Please and thankies!

Ss186: Or I will sick the Army of Hades on you!

Kori: Let's see… God of War and childhood books, any other reference you want to add?

Ss186: Nah… I'm good…

Kori & Ss186: SALUT! Goodbye!

**!Special Thanks !**

To my best buddy in the world, Alex a.k.a. Kisetsu, for reading this before putting it on the net. And for being the only one who knows who Crypto is and what I'm talking about.

To you for reading my ficcy!


	2. Another Day, Another New Student

Plan 9½ from Outer Space

Ss186 & Kori: (playing Goldeneye for the N64)  
Ss186: HEY! You're not losing any health!  
Kori: (kills Ss186) HAHA!  
Ss186: YOU CHEATED!  
Kori: (laughing) So I cheated?  
Ss186: You fuckin' cheated!  
Kori: (flatly) Quit it with the Rent references…  
Ss186: NO!  
Kori: By the way, all you happy people in Internet land, we've added people to my special thanks! You'll see at the end!  
Ss186: And now, for what you all came here for…  
Kori: Chapter 2!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Invader Zim or Destroy All Humans, but I own copies of their official DVDs and game, respectively.

* * *

Chapter 2: Another Day, Another New Student 

Zim walked the way to skool filled with thought.

'Who was this Crypto thing and what was he doing, trying to destroy MY humans! Honestly to even consider someone being better than me! ZIM! No one is better at invading than I am! Well, I'll just have to devise an even MORE brilliant scheme than my last one to defeat this Crypto and when I do, Crypto will wish he'd never decided to come to this FILTHY planet!'

He unknowingly walked all the way to school and into his homeroom seat. (Force of habit maybe.) Dib glared at him when he walked to his seat. The others basically ignored Zim when they came in. Miss Bitters went on her sermon about how the world was doomed to implode in on itself, leaving the class to do as they pleased. Some read books, some talked, some made up evil plans(cough Zim…cough), and some drew pictures of Zim being cut open on a dissection table (cough Dib… cough). Then a phone rose out Miss Bitters desk and she answered it quickly.

"What…? No! Oh fine…" She hung up and turned her head to the class. "The school has decided to give us another new student to celebrate overcrowded classrooms." She pointed to a young boy in front, "I'm tired of looking at you. You're being transferred to the underground classroom."

The floor opened up under him and he fell screaming. The floor closed back up just as a new boy came into the room. He had black eyes and gray hair. He was wearing a gray shirt and black cargo pants. He had an unenthusiastic look on his face.

"Hey, the name's Chris."

Zim looked questioningly at him. Had he seen Chris somewhere before? Chris smirked evilly at Zim as he walked past him. Chris sat in the previously used seat and sighed. He looked at Dib's drawing and chuckled.

"And just what is so funny?"

"That's not the way his insides look," Chris's eyes seemed to lock with Dib's.

Dib looked at him warily, "Uh… Yeah, I'm sure you know what the insides of an Irken look like."

"You'd be surprised," Chris's eyes glinted with a dark secret.

Dib gave him a freaked out look, "Ookay…"

"I saw an Irken once. He looked like that green kid over there," Chris motioned to Zim. "You sure he's not an alien?"

"Actually, Zim is an alien, no one will believe me though," Dib said. "Wait, you was an Irken before!"

"Sure did… Although no one would believe me either…" Chris mumbled, "Stupid monkeys…"

They talked about aliens until Miss Bitters excused the class. Dib and Chris left the room together like they were best friends. Zim was a bit suspicious. He had definitely seen Chris before, but he wasn't sure where. Oh well, maybe it would come to him later.

: At Zim's Base :

After checking on the vampire bunnies and exploding squirrels, Zim decided to call the Tallest. Maybe they could explain to him why they hung up so abruptly on him last night after talking about the Furon Empire. Suddenly, an idea popped into Zim's head.

"Wait a minute… Chris…Crypto… CHRIS IS CRYPTO! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!"

"Meep!" Mini Moose exclaimed. Translation: No you didn't!

"YOU'RE LYING!" Zim exclaimed. "But how did he get such a good disguise? I mean, not as good as my perfect one, but his is good…"

GIR came in with "donuts"; "I got donuts! They're cheese filled!"

Zim rolled his eyes, "GIR, those are cheese filled pretzels."

GIR screamed, "THE DONUTS LIED TO ME! WHHHHYYYY DONUTS! WHYY DONUTS!" Then he devoured the entire plate of cheese filled "donuts" and the plate. (Why? Because he's GIR.)

Zim sighed and called the Tallest, "MY TALLEST!"

Red and Purple were currently in a pop chugging contest. When it looked as though Purple would take a commanding lead, Red came back to even the race. It was coming down to the wire. They each had less than an eighth of the two liter bottles left. Just then Red pulled out a remote control and pressed the big shiny button on it. It shot a laser right into Purple's eye. He dropped his bottle and screamed in pain. Red finished his bottle and threw his hands in the air.

"THAT'S THREE IN A ROW!" Red exclaimed.

"Only because you cheat!" Another laser shot into Purple's eye. "AUUGH! MY EYE!"

"Uh… My Tallest?" Zim asked, unsure of what to say.

They both stared at Zim on the screen.

"Yes Zim?" Red asked.

"Why were you two having a––"

Purple screamed; "Do not meddle in other worldly affairs! Meddle and tremble! TREMBLE!"

"Um… Purple…?" Red turned to his cohort.

"TREMBLE!" Purple screamed once more.

"Purple, you're severely scaring the crew… Yet again… We don't want a repeat of last time," Red reminded.

Purple frowned, "These soldiers need to be ready when one of their comrades go insane!"

"YOU DROVE US INTO A STAR!"

Purple shrugged, "We survived, didn't we?"

"Yes but… Oh, forget it…"

"My Tallest, I can see you're busy having rather odd discussions so I will just…" Zim went to cut off his transmission.

Purple, regaining his sanity, interrupted him, "Wait a moment, Zim. Did you have anymore encounters with Crypto or Orthopox?"

"Well, Crypto has enrolled at the skool, but there were no major encounter today, sirs," Zim reported.

Red smiled, "Good work, soldier."

"Good work? But, sirs, am I not to be the one who DEMOLISHES the human race? Should I not destroy Crypto?" Zim asked questioningly.

Purple and Red exclaimed, almost at once, "NO!"

Red cleared his throat, "What we mean, Zim, is that you should study your new enemy more, before destroying it. Learn the Furon's secrets, find out their weaknesses, that kind of stuff."

Zim paused, then smiled, "Your amazing-ness, My Tallest, is just before mine, which is pretty amazing."

"Good luck, soldier!" Purple exclaimed.

They waved goodbye as the transmission ended. If Zim had not been preoccupied with other thoughts, he might have suspected that the Tallest were acting unusual. But, being Zim, he was not. He was only worried about what horrible tests he should make the humans endure first when he became their ruler. He went to the lab below to start some work on his evil plans before he forgot them (Waffle-enduced forgetful-ness, or otherwise).

: On the Furon Mothership :

"Come on Pox! You limey bastard! Gimme my upgrade!" Crypto exclaimed.

Pox was holding out an upgrade for the Disintegrator Ray, just out of Crypto's reach, "Nope, sorry. Times are hard on us, Crypto. I have to up the price to at least… 1650 strands of Furon DNA…"

Crypto growled, "Pox, unless you want to be burnt to a crisp, I suggest you lower that price back down to 1500…"

Pox yawned, "Your pathetic attempt at frightening me won't work in lowering the price, Crypto."

Crypto decided to go by his personal motto "Don't get mad, get sadistic." He lifted a huge useless pipe with his mind and put it near Pox's head.

Pox looked at the pipe nervously, "Uh, Crypto, what are you going to do with that?"

"I'm going to get that price to go down one way or another, and this is plan B," Crypto smirked.

"C-Crypto, uhh… you c-can't attack me!"

"Hey, I don't think the Emperor will mind if I take care of this planet myself," Crypto smirked. "You'll just be in a regeneration tank for the rest of your life. I'll conquer the Earth, bring back 136, and eradicate all human life. See? Everyone wins…Except you, unless you lower that price back down to 1500!"

Pox nodded and laughed nervously, "Of course! What was I thinking? Here you go Crypto!"

They made the trade and Crypto went back down to the Earth to collect more DNA strands.

"There are times when it's not worth it… Now's one of those times." Pox hovered into the rest area for some well-deserved rest.

* * *

Kori: Sorry this one's a bit shorter. I ran out of ideas for this one.  
Ss186: Yes… Depressing…  
Kori: Well, you know how the old saying goes…  
Ss186: Read and review!  
Kori: And my new saying...  
Ss186 & Kori: VIVA LA VIE BOHEME! 

: Special Thanks :

To all of those who reviewed the previous chapter! Thank you all so much! Here are my first four names:

AmY, Tugera (of Deviantart), Netbug009, and The Sole Survivor  
I hope the list gets longer!

My friend Alex, who once again previewed my chapter! (The next anal probed human is dedicated to you, my dear friend.)

To those of you who have just read this chapter!


	3. A Flashback To Forget

Kori: I'm SOOO sorry this is late. But I've been trying to get the special ending for KH2 and playing Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, Radiata Stories, and Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition. It's going to explain why Red and Purple freak out when talking about the Furon Empire. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 3: A Flashback to Forget

The Tallest hung up on their conversation with Zim. Ever since that Crypto had gone to the Earth, all Zim seemed interested in was Furon history, their weaknesses, and all that other stuff. Purple was eating some random snacks and Red was contemplating. He had done a lot of that ever since Zim first mentioned the Furon Empire. He was wondering whether he should ask Zim to renounce the Earth to Crypto for conquest, but knowing Zim as well as he did, Zim would never do that. But if that infuriating Orthopox reported that an Irken invader was on a planet that the Furons had deemed part of the Furon Empire, the Emperor would make good on his promise of attack. No threats had been given, so they may still have some time. As much as Red did not want to admit it, the Furons' telekinetic powers DID give them an edge against the Irken Armada. Red hovered closer to their huge window and gazed at the stars. Purple hovered over to his comrade.

"Hey, what's up?" Purple asked.

Red sighed, "Maybe Zim should be reassigned."

Purple seemed a bit confused, "What makes you say that? He's out of our antennae if he's on the Earth. Sure, his calls are getting more annoying, but that's nothing to reassign him over."

"That's not the reason why. I'm…just unsure of what Orthopox will do if Zim gets in Crypto's way."

"Oh… I see your point…" Purple gazed at the stars.

Red shook his head, "I can't believe that that one negotiation has caused us to live in fear of another race. As much as I hate to say it, the Furon Empire has an edge."

"Yeah… How did that all play out again?"

Red sighed, "Well…"

: Flashback to the day of Furon-Irken Negotiations :

The Furon Emperor hovered to the Tallest. He was a short, silver, big headed being, but Red and Purple knew that any false moves would stop any negotiations dead in their tracks. The Emperor sat on a metallic throne that did the moving for him. It was controlled by the Emperor's telekinetic powers. Red noticed that the Emperor's head was glowing a light silver-blue color.

"Welcome, Tallest, rulers of the planet Irk," the Emperor smiled pleasantly. "I cannot express my joy. Should these negotiations go well, we may be on the verge of ruling the universe. No one would be able to stop the awesome might of our combined forces."

Red nodded, "This would be beneficial to both of our causes. We Irkens would destroy while you Furons overthrow the planet's government. Universal conquest would go more smoothly and quickly."

Red tried to keep the thoughts of using the Furon Empire's power out of his for fear of being discovered. He didn't want to be turned down before the actual negotiating started.

"How long do you think these negotiations will take?" Purple asked.

"Oh, not long if you play your cards right…"

The three of them hovered into a large room. It had a large metallic table in the center of the draped with a huge white cloth. There were large monitors all over the room to watch what was going on in the castle-like structure the Emperor called home. (If an old clone fell and couldn't reach help, it didn't have to worry about carrying around one of those call buttons.) The Emperor took his place at the head of the table. Red and Purple had taken positions elsewhere.

"Now, let's get straight to the point. You need our weaponry and amount of troops to aid your people, and we need your mental powers. So how can we make this an even deal for both sides?" Red asked.

The Furon paused, thinking for a moment or two, "Well, if you only need us with the overthrow of the government, then I see no reason why I should have more than…one Furon warrior on an Irken vessel at any given time."

"Only one!" Purple asked in astonishment. "That seems a bit unreasonable."

The Emperor smiled, "But of course. I don't want my people to die. You must admit that we are bit more advanced than you Irkens."

Red was completely infuriated, "Now you must jest! You mean to tell us that you would rather see our people suffer for your own needs? That is manipulative to say the least!"

The Emperor chuckled, "In a word…Yes."

Purple was enraged as well, "No one uses the Irken Armada for their own personal gain!"

"It seems to me that you two do that quite well on your own."

Red roared, "Are you suggesting that we are using our Armada for vain desires of absolute power?"

"If not, then what is the purpose of the Irken Armada?"

Purple spoke up, "It's for… Well… I, erm… I got nothin'…"

Red just sighed, knowing that that statement did not help these "negotiations" move along any smoother than the rocky path they were on now.

'More like the Furon Empire trying to prove how they are better than us Irkens,' Red thought.

'I wish I had some curly fries,' thought Purple.

"You know, we don't have to prove it as much as you Irkens do, and I'm sorry, but we don't have curly fries."

Purple pouted, "Darn."

"Purple!" Red smacked his comrade.

"What? I really wanted curly fries!" Purple exclaimed.

Red sighed, "He read our minds, you twit."

"Oh…" Purple paused, "HEY! That's not fair!"

"All's fair in war, gentlemen," the Emperor smirked.

Red glared at their most likely newfound rival, "This is absurd. If we cannot agree on fair terms, why are we even here at all? Did you invite us here to insult us!"

This time, the Emperor seemed annoyed, "No, I honestly hoped that we could have achieved a great bond. But I see no profit in this for the both of our races."

"I can agree with that," Purple mumbled.

"Then can we agree that there will be a peace between our people? This way, no one has to die," Red said.

The Emperor paused, "No, not a peace exactly. We shall have a…oh, what did the human race call it? A…Cold War of some sorts. There will be no bloodshed so long as we both stay out of each other's business. Can we agree on that?"

"…I see no other alternative," Red said.

Purple shrugged, "Sounds good to me."

They signed a deal, sealing the negotiation's less than perfect ending. The Irken race was to leave the Furon race alone, and the same went for the Furon race. Both peoples were on alert to stay out of the other's path. No one really wanted to start an unnecessary war. Okay, well, not with each other. Anyone else was good for an unnecessary war.

: To the Present :

"Oh yeah…" Purple said, remembering that day now.

"What to do…" Red sighed. "Oh well, if Zim gets killed, it's his problem."

The two grabbed a box of donuts and put on Earth's Funniest Explosions and watched as two police cruisers collided, creating a fireball of destruction. Appendages flew as onlookers screamed in terror. Purple laughed so hard that he nearly choked on his donut and Red laughed at him for nearly choking. Their crew looked at each other and all began to wonder the same thing:

'I wonder if that job on Foodcourtia is still available…'

* * *

Kori: Okay Bulba1, since you asked a question in your review, we're going to answer it! YAY FOR YOU!

Ss186: Feel honored! (throws at confetti at Bulba1)

Bulba1: OW! MY EYE! (rolls around and screams in pain)

Ss186: Whiner…

Netbug009: But I asked a question too!

Ss186: We couldn't answer how long you'd have to wait! We're not psychic.

Netbug009: (crosses arms and pouts)

Kori: ANYWAY, the reason Pox wasn't able to crush the pipe was––

Pox comes in fuming and holding a strange device

Pox: WHICH ONE OF YOU PUT THIS TELEKINETIC INHIBITOR ON ME?

Netbug009, Bulba1, Kori: It was her! (point at Ss186 and run for their lives)

Pox: (fires a Zap-O-Matic ray at Ss186)

Ss186: (is burned and coughs out smoke) Ouch… (falls over)

Pox: (glares at teleports away)

The Sole Survivor, Tugera, AmY, Hybrid: Hey, how come we don't get mentioned?

Pox: Don't make me put the hurt on ya! (aims Disintegrator Ray at them)

The Sole Survivor, Tugera, AmY, Hybrid: RUN! (run away)

Pox: (smirks) Can't touch this… (hovers away)

Read and Review!


	4. Clash of the Pigmies

Chapter 4: Clash of the Pigmies

Zim was angrily glaring at the horrid Chris boy, otherwise known as Crypto. How could he have such a good disguise? Certainly not as good as Zim's, but it was good. Zim growled in anger and clenched his fists. He was an Irken invader! He was not about to be outdone by some moronic Furon. The final bell rang and Miss Bitters commanded the class to leave. They all did as they were told and left to start their weekend. Zim caught up with Dib and did something he never in his life wanted to do, started a conversation with him.

"Dib…"

Dib gave him a questioning look, "Zim…"

"You mean to tell me that you haven't accused Chris of being an alien! ISN'T IT OBVIOUS!"

Dib shook his head and laughed, "Oh Zim… I've seen you sink to some low levels, but this is just pathetic! Accusing one of Earth's own people of being an alien!"

"It's true! Why do you think he isn't an alien?" Zim asked.

Dib replied flatly, "Because he doesn't have a "skin condition" that makes his skin green or causes him to not have ears."

"It's a disguise!"

"Well, if it is, it's at least a hundred times better than any of your so called "disguises"…" Dib said. "Can I go now?"

"Fine! But when the Furon race comes down to rain doom… WAIT! THAT'S MY JOB! What I mean is–!"

Dib rolled his eyes and left Zim to his shouting. Zim yelled and stomped towards Chris. That treacherous disguised Furon! He was in an ABSOLUTELY DISGRACEFUL disguise and Dib didn't notice him, but Zim was in an awesome disguise but Dib knows he's an alien!

'Are humans this idiotic! Anyone can see through that disguise!' Zim thought.

Chris chuckled, "Actually, no they can't."

"You…You read my thoughts!" Zim exclaimed.

"And…?" Chris asked. "So what if I did? It's not like you can do anything about it."

"OH REALLY!" Zim yelled. "I swear to you, Crypto, I will get my revenge."

: On Zim's walk home :

"And then he sounded like he was all tall and mighty or something! But he's not even tall!"

The little boy who Zim was talking to stared at him with fear. He clutched his bear and walked on slowly and fearfully towards his home.

'Why do I always meet people who have mental problems?' the little boy thought. Did you guess who the little boy is by now?

He held his bear up to his ear so the stranger couldn't hear him. The boy nodded and frowned at his bear.

He whispered, "No Shmee, he's the only person who talks to me that isn't trying to beat me up or kills people." Did that help?

"Are you talking to your bear?" Zim asked.

The little boy stuttered, "I-I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. You'd better leave quick before my neighbor sees you."

They glanced at house 777's nightmare-ish facade. A body burst from a previously boarded up window in the run down home. It had a pencil lodged in its skull, its hands were missing, the skin from its forearms was missing, and one leg had been cut off. Squee If you hadn't known that by now, go read a JTHM book and feel incredible shame because of your ignorance. stood in horror and Zim started to laugh.

"ASK A DIFFERENT QUESTION!" a voice screamed from inside the house.

Squee ran off screaming and Zim kept laughing at the dead survey taker until he got bored and called GIR to come get him.

: With Crypto :

Crypto, who had easily broken into Zim's house, was touring himself around Zim's lower levels. He glanced at the weapons, inventions, plans to destroy humans, and Zim's decapitated drawings of Crypto.

"To destroy or not to destroy… Oh what the hell am I saying? Of course the answer is to destroy!" Crypto shrugged as he pulled out his Ion Detonator.

Just then, Zim burst in, "HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!"

"I let him in!" GIR answered happily.

Zim slapped his forehead, "WHY DID YOU LET HIM IN!"

"He said he had biscuits! I thought you wanted biscuits, Master!" GIR sadly held up a plate of biscuits.

"GIR!" Zim yelled, glaring angrily at his mentally challenged hench-robot.

GIR's bottom lip quivered as little battery acid tears came out. Zim sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, leave them on the table."

"WHEEEE!" GIR ran up to the main floor.

Crypto looked on in confusion, "That…thing…It isn't right in the circuits, is it?"

"DO NOT INSULT MY MINIONS!" Zim yelled. "Only I, ZIM, can do that!"

"Well, since you've finally come, I'll give you the best seat in the house to watch the destruction of Earth, starting with your base!" Crypto aimed his Ion Detonator at one of Zim's massive computers.

Zim pulled out a laser gun and aimed it at Crypto, "Don't you dare."

Crypto smirked and shot another massive robot. It exploded, sending shrapnel zooming into other machines and causing minor explosions to go off. Zim yelled and fired a blast at Crypto. It barely missed his head. Crypto, apparently, did not like that. He glared at Zim.

"You're making a big mistake, Irken scum."

"I think that you're the only one making a mistake."

Zim kicked Crypto in the face and Crypto was sent into a pile of broken machines. The Furon climbed out of the wreckage and dusted himself off. He used his jetpack to boost his fists into Zim's chest. Zim was knocked back, but not as much as Crypto. He used his robot arachnid legs to move about the disheveled lower level of what was once part of his lab. Crypto, however, used his telekinesis to tie his legs together, sending Zim to the floor. Zim retracted his robot legs back into his pack and rolled out of the way of Crypto's Zap-O-Matic blast. Crypto fired at him again, and just barely missed Zim's arm. Zim pulled out another gun and fired a ray of purple energy at Crypto. It hit him and trapped him in a purple bubble. Crypto beat on the walls of the bubble and found that he was trapped. He glared at Zim who was smirking victoriously.

Zim laughed, "Is it not obvious to you now who is the superior race! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO DESTROY THE HUMANS!"

Crypto smirked, "Don't bet on it."

He used his Disintegrator Ray to dissolve the bubble. You didn't think the fight would be over THAT easily, did you? Zim went on the defensive and threw a metal sphere on the ground. It created a force field around him as Crypto tried to blast him with the Disintegrator Ray. Zim armed himself with a pair of strength enhancing gloves and boots. As the smoke cleared from Crypto's constant attacks, Zim punched Crypto in his gut. Crypto got the wind knocked out of him and was forced to take a moment to catch his breath. Zim grabbed Crypto and tossed him into a wall. They were both breathing deeply and the battle was getting to them. Crypto used what little energy he had left to use telekinesis to move a huge flat piece of metal and slam it into Zim's head. The poor Irken soldier was out cold. Crypto called the Mothership and was beamed directly on board.

: A Few Hours Later :

Zim awoke to see Zim and Mini-Moose hovering over top him. He yelled in surprise and pushed them away.

"Where's Crypto?" Zim asked, pulling out a laser gun.

"He left a LOOOOOOONG time ago," GIR smiled.

Zim laughed, "Of course. He was afraid of my AWESOME MIGHT! HA! Those Furon fools are no match for the likes of me, ZIM!"

"Meep meep…?" Mini Moose asked. (translation: Are you finished?)

"DO NOT QUESTION YOUR MASTER!" Zim yelled. "Anyway, I'd better rest so I can think of another wonderfully evil plan. GIR, Mini Moose, I leave our base in your somewhat capable…nubs," Zim said as another elevator lifted him to a higher level of the house.

"WOO! PARTY! I'MA GO INVITE ALL MY FRIENDS LIKE THE WAFFLES AND THE SQUIRREL I MET LAST TUESDAY! I'M RUNNING! I'M RUNNING!" GIR declared as the deranged little robot ran into a wall before finally figuring out that the elevator was right behind it.

Mini Moose looked at GIR and thought only one minor thought: 'I wish I had waffle friends…'

I recently got JTHM: Director's Cut so I felt it fitting to include my favorite scene where Johnny kills the Survey Taker. Plus, I just love JTHM and since JTHM and Invader Zim are both children of Jhonen Vasquez, it would be kind of funny to see them together in a new kind of crossover.

Though the fight scene for Clash of the Pigmies was written between 1:30 and 2:16 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, Think about what you were doing while I was slaving over a keyboard for your entertainment. I think it was half-decent.

You know the drill, cadets: Please read and review! Constructive criticism is always accepted and will be twisted into the story. Questions will be answered in often-humorous author's notes and flames will be used to help Johnny light the remains of Angelina.

Goodbye!


	5. A Match Made In Hell

Okay, I have to give MAJOR thanks to Metal Overlord 2.0 for the idea. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! YOU RULE FOREVER AND THREE DAYS AFTER THAT! Okay, for those of you who didn't buy a program on the way in, I haven't been able to write ANYTHING for awhile. The last thing I wrote was Chapter 4. I haven't really thought up any ideas for this story or any ideas for mine and Alex's misadventure story. (Don't ask about it because I'm not putting it up.) Then my internet just felt like not working and my fish died, so it has been a bad time. But I got new fish and my internet is up and running so my frown has been turned upside down. Without further to do; chapter 5!

Chapter 5: A Match Made In Hell

"Chris" and Zim were constantly glaring at each other in class. Dib was honestly confused as to why they were always at each other. He decided to ask Chris at lunch. Dib sat next to Chris and just sat in thoughtful silence. He wasn't exactly sure how to start this conversation. Should he ask Chris outright or try to stir up a conversation and eventually ask?

"Uh... Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you and—"

Suddenly, a blast knocked out a window. Men in black suits holding guns and stormed into the room. A figure that resembled Darth Vader entered after all of the men in black entered. "Vader" took off his mask to reveal that a woman was actually behind all of this. Chris's eyes went wide with shock and he fled under the table. Dib was too fascinated with the woman to really pay attention.

"Children, stay calm, we're from Majestic. My G-Men and I are only after a little green man whose name is–"

Dib came out of his fantasy world and pointed at Zim, "FINALLY! THERE! He's an alien!"

The G-Men circled Zim with their weapons drawn. Zim stared at them in confusion and shock. One G-Man put his weapon down.

"Silhouette, this one isn't the Furon. It's just a kid with a strange skin condition," he reported.

Dib was dumbfounded, "WHAT!"

Silhouette however wasn't persuaded, "I'm not sure… What if it's one of those Irkens that the Furons have been going on about?"

Dib smiled brightly, "If it's proof you need about Zim being an alien, then I'm the guy that can get it to you."

Silhouette smiled, "Really?" She signaled to the G-Men, "Keep your guns on him, men." She turned back to Dib, "And who might you be?"

"My name is Dib and I work for the Swollen Eyeball as Agent Mothman."

"The Swollen Eyeball? I've heard of them," Silhouette nodded thoughtfully.

"Okay, Silhouette, it's time to end this!" Crypto came out from under the table.

"What the heck is that!" Dib asked.

"That's Cryptosporidium 136! GET HIM!" Silhouette exclaimed. "Dib, can you show me this proof right now?"

"Well, it's at my house, but—"

"Fine… G-Men, take them back to the base by any means necessary!" Silhouette grabbed Dib's arm and ran out of the school.

"What the matter, Silhouette? Can't take the heat!" He fired a blast from his Disintegrator Ray after them.

It only welded the doors of the cafeteria together. The G-Men who had Zim circled went after Crypto instead. Zim paused, then pulled out the same purple gun from Chapter 4 and trapped the G-Men in a purple bubble. Crypto then used his Ion Detonator to destroy the somewhat-less-pathetic maggots.

"What did you do that for?" Crypto asked.

Zim sighed, "It seems that we may now have a common enemy. For now, I suggest a temporary truce."

Zim held out his hand and Crypto glanced at it, deciding if it was worth it. He quickly decided and shook Zim's hand. In that one moment, two great enemies would seal a fate befalling three races: the proud Irkens, the advanced Furons, and the innocent Earthlings.

: On The Mothership :

Crypto and Zim beamed aboard the Furon Mothership. Orthopox seemed in awe by Zim. Crypto silenced Orthopox before he could say anything. (Is Orthopox a guy or a girl? I never could figure that out…)

"Pox, now ain't the time for talking. Majestic is teaming up with these Swollen Eyeballs and who knows what these Eyeballs are capable of other than being larger than normal and being gifted with incredible sight."

"Actually, the Swollen Eyeball is an organization of humans who protect the Earth from paranormal activity. They are more of an underground operation than these Majestic people," Zim corrected.

"Really? Well do you know of any weaknesses that they may have?"

Crypto and Zim walked into another wing of the Mothership, leaving Pox in a shocked state. He ordered that someone send a transmission to the Irken's ship the Massive. Red and Purple responded quickly.

"Orthopox…" Red said calmly.

"Red… Purple… We may have to call a truce as our warriors have."

: On Earth :

Silhouette was making her claim to the Swollen Eyeball community. She explained the information that she obtained when the government questioned and dissected a Furon named Cryptosporidium 136. Agent Dark Booty commented her on her thorough research and well put together project. (When you work for the government though, it's not so hard!)

"Well, you should give some praise to Dib–I mean, Agent Mothman. He's the one that brought me here. Thank you for allowing me to speak, Agent Dark Booty."

"We were happy to have you, right Dark Booty?" Dib asked excitedly.

"Of course. Would you like to become an honorary member of the Swollen Eyeball network, Silhouette?" Agent Dark Booty asked.

"It would be my pleasure," Silhouette accepted.

"Then I dub thee, Agent Silhouette," Dark Booty nodded. "Welcome to the network."

"This is so awesome! Now we can discuss the Irken and Furon menace anytime, Silhouette!" Dib smiled brightly. (Yeah, I'm using ALL of Metal Overlord 2.0's ideas. Lazy and proud!)

"Dib, thank you so much. I would be happy to discuss them at any time." Silhouette wrote down all of her contact numbers and gave them to Dib. "Here are all of the places you can call to reach me."

Dib smiled, insanely happy at this point, and fainted from over-joy. Silhouette and Dark Booty looked at each other in shock and tried to wake him back up. A brown-haired woman, Silhouette's shadow and best friend, Shadi approached her.

"Everything is going according to plan…" Silhouette smirked as she whispered to Shadi.

Hey, sorry this one is VERY short for my standards, but I have to go on a trip with my dad later today (It is 12:40 a.m. EST when I'm writing this.) and I should have started to get my stuff ready. DAMN YOU, FINAL FANTASY TACTICS! I love that game, but it is so addictive to me. I love it when Ramza tells Worker 8 to beat up Mustadio. PHOENIX DOWN! WHERE'S THE PHOENIX DOWN! That game has so many funny memories with me. EXCEPT FOR THAT STUPID BATTLE ON THE ROOF OF RIOVANES! Am I the only one who would like to kill Rafa for being a suicidal moron! I wish you could get an Assassin without using cheat codes. They rock! But I didn't use cheats… Nope… Not me. I don't know how I got two Assassins and Ramza to be a Divine Knight on one of my files.

Well, readers, you all know the drill. Be kind; rewind! Wait, no… Read and review! If you don't, you'll get a face full of Bolt 2! Hehehe… Gotta love them internet cartoons.


	6. Not So Friendly Fire

In case there was any question, (I forgot to address this last time) Shadi is an OC as well as the upcoming Reggie.

* * *

Chapter 6: Not So Friendly Fire

: On the Furon Mothership :

Crypto and Zim had been trying to look up any information the Mothership data banks had on the Majestic. It wasn't much.

"Is this everything you have?" Zim asked, looking through the sparse information.

"Hey, we just got here. What about you?" Crypto asked smugly.

"Well, I've never had to deal with these infernal Majestic people!" Zim exclaimed.

Crypto smirked, "Looks like someone wasn't doing a very good job."

"QUIET!" Zim cried. "I'm trying to do something..."

: Majestic Office :

Silhouette and Shadi sat in their spybug-free room. The two Majestic agents talked about the Irken and Furon threats. Shadi pulled out a copy of the files on Crypto and Zim. She had a lot of information on the Irkens in general as well. (Shadi had once been with the Swollen Eyeball network as Agent Twilight Specter. She had worked with Dib on one of his stake outs.)

"So why are you so interested about this stuff? It's not much…" Shadi shrugged.

"Because I need to convince the President to increase our budget, and what better way than proving that we have two threats instead of one," Silhouette smirked. "That Dib kid was like hitting a jackpot."

"So you're only using him? That's so underhanded and devious!" Shadi smirked, "I like that about you."

"I know… So anymore information I don't know about?" Silhouette asked.

"Nope. Everything Dib knows, I know. Everything I know, you probably have memorized."

"Great. The President is sure to give us a budget increase, and you know what a budget increase means." Silhouette sighed, "I love working for the government."

Shadi paused before she left the room, "Do you think the Earth is ready for a possible attack?"

"I think we could handle it, yes…" Silhouette nodded. "Why?"

"I was just curious. The more I hear, the more I doubt…"

With her last remark, Shadi left Silhouette to her thoughts. Silhouette would never let this out to the public, but she, herself, would certainly agree with her trusted companion. If the others of Majestic heard about this, they would can her ass faster than Crypto or Zim could lose their temper. After looking through the new files Shadi brought her, Silhouette pulled out a tape recorder from her desk and pressed record.

"3:10 a.m. I have just finished talking with Shadi. She has given me some new information on the Irken race. One thing that concerns me is the Irken Armada. A fleet this large could pose a large problem. On top of THAT, we have to worry about the Furon Mothership. I just hope that the Majestic and possibly the Swollen Eyeball are prepared for such an attack."

She stopped recording and sighed as she looked up to the dark morning sky. She thought of Crypto and Zim.

'At least those two hate each other enough to not team up, or we'd be in serious trouble,' Silhouette thought. (Remember, she wasn't there when they made the truce.)

Just then, Shadi burst into the room with a bit of shock in her eyes. Silhouette looked at her.

"There's been a security breach," Shadi said.

"Who broke in?" Silhouette asked concernedly.

"They didn't break into the building..." Shadi gave her a serious look.

Then Silhouette understood what she meant. She ran down the hallways following Shadi to the scene of the crime.

: In the Computer Lab :

Silhouette burst in and scared the man sitting at the computer desk out of his wits. He spun around and nervously greeted her. The blonde guy pushed up his glasses with his shaking hands.

"S-S-Silhouette, please don't hurt me! I don't know what happened! It was like a ghost came into the system and started to copy all of the stuff onto their databanks!"

"Reggie, spare me your version of the truth. Can you trace the source of this "ghost"?" Silhouette asked.

"No, that's why I called it a GHOST, as if that wasn't obvious. But I can tell you that it came from a source not of the Earth's technology," Reggie replied.

Silhouette growled and then yelled, "DAMN YOU, CRYPTO!"

: Back on the Furon Mothership :

Crypto looked around, "Did you hear something?"

"No... Well, seeing as how we should wait for all of this information... What do you want to do?"

Crypto smirked, "Oh... I have something that you should see..."

Crypto turned on a monitor and Pox and GIR came up. GIR was running around Pox as usual. Pox was fascinated with the defective little robot, not sure if he was a marvel of science or merely an retarded coffee machine with the brain of a five year old. (hehehe... Look familiar?)

"So this is all you do?" Pox asked.

"Well, sometimes I eat cheese, I LIKE CHEESE, and sometimes me and my master fly to the moon to have picnics with the moon people, who actually look like squirrels! Squirrels are like this!" GIR did his impression of a squirrel. "And sometimes I 'splode! It's REALLY loud when I 'splode! But it's fun! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Pox was obviously entertained. (Hah, I smell fanfic ideas!) He never really had had someone so random on the Mothership. It was a change from the usual hum-drum boring on the ship.

"Wahoo! Wahoo! Wahoo? Waheeeh! Ruruwaryuuiine shenifa turafayuuwari fa! Whoa whoa!  
Erunaruutuura inewai isu raburigentu koudutudu!" GIR sang.

Pox wasn't exactly sure what GIR had just said, but he was still entertained. Crypto decided to turn off the monitor at that point. Zim was going into shock, or spasms, or was just going crazy from the randomness. (When does he not?) Crypto laughed for a moment, but then decided to try to snap him out of it by splashing water on him. Although, Crypto doesn't know about how Irkens don't mix well with water. Regardless, he follows through with his idea and throws the water on him. Well, Zim being the Irken that he is, the water caused some...minor discomfort.

"OWWWWW! BURNING! EVERY INCH OF MY SKIN! IT BURNS!" Zim cried out in pain.

Crypto laughed at Zim's pain. Then he decided that he shouldn't leave Silhouette out of the fun. After all she had sent him all of that nice stuff.

: Back on Earth :

Silhouette was dumbfounded. How could Crypto have done it? Their technology should have, at least, left a trace. But there was nothing. With all of the Majestic's brand new, state of the art in defense, technology, it should have stopped him. Then something on all of the monitors popped up. It was That's Your Horoscope for Today! by ZekeySpaceyLizard!

"NOOOOO! NOT WEIRD AL! CURSE YOU CRYPTO!"

* * *

Okay, the song GIR sang was a part from (in English) Wahoo Stomp or (in Japanese) Stepping Wind. The song is from the Mira-Mira Heights level on Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil. Very cute and fun little game. I love the music on the game esp. Wahoo Stomp and the song for the Kingdom of Sorrow level.

No, I do not hate Weird Al or ZekeySpaceyLizard's video of That's Your Horoscope for Today!. I was listening to the song and just thought it would be funny if it was used for torture purposes. Oh the hilarity...

Once again, thankies to Metal Overlord 2.0 for the idea and for the line in his review. Hehehe...

Read and review!


	7. The Beginning of the End part 1

Ugh… I hate my school. Everyone, pray to EVERY god that you have ever heard of so hopefully my dad gets a good enough offer on the job he's considering so I can move! Okay, I tried to get this out before Thursday, but I was getting errors saying that I couldn't put this online so the only people who saw this before today are Bianca (serenity-the-ninja) and Alex. And I can't put up the pretty little line spacers because of an error on the document editor so I'll just make a little spacer.

xXx

Chapter 7: The Beginning of the End (part 1)

Majestic was in an uproar about the information leak. They clearly underestimated the Furons' technology. They had hundreds of computer programmers creating new security programs, stronger firewalls, you know, the works. Reggie was being put under fire along with Silhouette.

'First Weird Al and now I'm on the answering end of an endless game of 20 questions. It's been a crappy day,' Silhouette thought.

After being questioned by some Majestic agents, she went back to her room. Silhouette turned on her radio and listened not to alien signals, but to music (which was a rarity for her). Some song she had never heard before flooded the speakers and into the room. Silhouette sat in a chair, facing a large window, and let her mind drift off. So much was going on too quickly. It was so overwhelming, a feeling she hadn't felt in the longest time.

'So this is the calm before the storm… Horrible… They're making us wait. All of those unsuspecting people…'

Then the radio dude snapped her out of her trance, "And that was Alien Ant Farm's Around the Block!"

Then a commercial for a local gym came on, but it fizzed out. Silhouette stood up and walked over to her radio and adjusted the tuner, but nothing happened. Shadi busted through the door.

"They're coming."

Then a broadcast came onto both the radio and television in Silhouette's room. It was Crypto and Zim.

"FOOLISH EARTH MONKEYS! The time of your doom is now!" Zim announced in his normal way.

: The Swollen Eyeball Base :

Dib stared in amazement and watched as Crypto and Zim delivered their statement to the entire population of Earth. Agent Dark Booty was right beside him.

"What my colleague is trying to say is that…" Crypto paused a moment, then turned to Zim, "Actually, that pretty much sums up your next few days. But to kinda give you a more detailed report of what's to come for your planet…"

A picture of the Earth came on screen with the Irken Massive along with the Armada and Furon Mothership approaching.

"The Furon Mothership will be collecting the dormant Furon gene, but seeing as how you won't SURVIVE this moderately… painless surgery…" Crypto left them hanging for Zim to finish.

"The Irken Massive will turn your planet into ANOTHER FOOD COURT! I'm sure all of your little spleens are just exploding from the excitement that you must have!" Zim smiled brightly.

"So enjoy your last few days, pathetic creatures… I assure you they are your last," Crypto smirked evilly.

Zim smirked as well, "And please, any resistance will be futile as we have access to all of Earth's power stations, computer data banks, weaponry, and defense systems so just squirm like the underdeveloped worms you are!"

The Irken and Furon symbols flashed for a moment and then the screen went blank. Dib was in shock.

"Agent Dark Booty…?"

"Yes, Mothman?" he replied.

"I think Zim might win this one…" then Dib remembered Silhouette, "Silhouette has to have something worked out by now! I'll try to get a hold of her!"

He whipped out his cell phone (Zim never said they had control of communications.) and dialed her number with nervous shaking hands. She never picked up at any of the numbers she gave him. Dib's hands started to shake so nervously that he dropped his phone. Dark Booty frowned and then started to walk away. Dib followed him and listened in on his conversation. He was talking to a floating head. Then Dib realized it was a hologram! The hologram looked like a more decorated Furon.

"Pox, you really have control over all of that?" Dark Booty asked.

"Oh, 452, you doubt my powers? Those human resources are primitive, at best. It was like child's play taking over their systems," Pox smirked triumphantly.

"Yeah, well…" Dark Booty transformed into a Furon.

Dib covered his mouth with both of his hands. His mentor, Dark Booty, had been an alien the entire time! How many of the other Swollen Eyeball agents were this way? Then perhaps Zim had been telling the truth about Chris. But that was irrelevant now! Dib slapped himself mentally for not listening to Zim and he felt degraded just thinking about that. But who better to spot an alien than an alien? Then he felt his feet leave the ground. "452" had lifted him with his mind.

"Well, well, well… I must give you credit though… You are a clever little bug, Dib…"

Dib struggled to get down, "PUT ME DOWN!"

"Six feet under."

(I just have one thing to say… People who like/love/are obsessed with Dib: please don't hurt me for this next part! Remember, I warned you!)

Dib was slammed into a wall so powerfully that his face left an indent on the wall. Then 452 lifted two nearby metal trashcan lids and repeatedly slammed Dib's head between them. Dib cried out for help. This caused 452 to smirk wickedly. Dib stared at his cruel smirk with growing tears of pain. This couldn't be the end. He wasn't about to be bested by some alien! Dib, gaining his second wind, grabbed one of the lids and threw it back at 452. It hit 452 squarely in the head. Dib landed on his face with a victorious half smile. 452, temporarily bested, came back at Dib with a copper pipe on the ground. Dib moved a trashcan, kicked it towards 452 and ran as fast as he can. The trashcan knocked 452 off his feet and knocked him out.

Dib ran to the only place he knew was safe: his home. But that was also a twisted form of truth. Yes, it was safe, but not exactly the same. When Dib saw his home, he fell to his knees and cried out in anger. The whole neighborhood was gone. There was nothing but a pile of rubble. Then a familiar voice approached his ears.

"Everyone's alive, you know…"

Dib looked up to see Silhouette's comforting smile, "Silhouette?"

"We got everyone to a shelter, even your creepy sister. She scared a few of the younger evacuees though… We were half tempted to leave her here, but knowing she's related to you…"

"How did you know I lived here?" he asked.

Silhouette chuckled, "Oh deluded little Dib, I work for the government. I can find out everything about you whenever I want."

He smiled, tears still coming down his face, "Thanks, Silhouette."

"Come on. Do you want to see the Majestic facility?" she asked, trying to make him feel better.

"I'd love to!" he exclaimed.

: On the Massive :

(This is the ONE scene I have been waiting to write! )

"NO! I won't talk to him!" Red turned his back to the communications screen.

"But My Tallest, we have to come up with an INGENIOUS plot! And to do that, you have to talk to Orthopox!" Zim exclaimed.

"NEVER! Not in a million years!"

"But–"

"No! NEVER! NEVER I SAY!" Red yelled.

Zim gave him a confused look, "Um… My Tallest Red, this is something I would expect out of Purple."

Purple, who was trying to get the last cookie out of a very small cookie jar, accidentally got his hand stuck because of the round thing on his arm. He tried pulling it out, but that didn't work. Lasers didn't pierce the cookie shield.

"CURSE YOU, COOKIE HOLDER DEMON! You picked the WRONG Irken to mess with. FEEL MY ALMIGHTY POWER!"

Red and Zim watched this really cheesy action fight scene, complete with actiony music (Purple commanded that they play the action music to make his fight officially AWESOME.) and sound effects, unfold between Purple and the Demon Cookie Jar. It was like watching a train wreck; you don't want to look, but you just have to. In the end, both combatants were extremely winded from the battle (How does a cookie jar get winded?...Just go with it.) and finally the Demon Cookie Jar was smashed. Purple did a victory dance, then almost instantly devoured the last cookie.

"Anyway, why won't you just make a plan? If I, the AMAZING ZIM, can make…allies with the Crypto thing, you can surely be temporary allies with Pox!" Zim exclaimed.

"Not after what he did to my castle!" Red yelled.

"YOU DESTROYED MY STATUE, YOU JERK!" Pox argued.

Crypto showed up on the screen, "Wait, you never had a statue, Pox…"

"And you never had a castle, My Tall One," Zim said.

"I would have if he didn't ruin it!" They yelled in unison while pointing fingers at each other.

"Ooooh! I remember this story! Flashback time!" Purple exclaimed.

: Flashback :

Pox was making a statue of himself. It was so lifelike, he could use it as a double when he wanted to skip class; the chair the statue sat in even floated! It was one of the coolest things at Intergalactic Preskool. (You didn't honestly think that they would be grown up when this happened, did you?) The other coolest thing was Red's huge castle made from building blocks. He even had a throne for him and his friend Purple. Red always knew he would be the ruler of Irk one day. When the teacher, a Squid woman from Cardox 3, approached Orthopox, she praised him for his fine work.

"My goodness, Orthopox, that's a wonderful statue!"

"It took me three weeks to build, but it's worth it!" Pox declared proudly.

"And Red, this castle is simply amazing!" she exclaimed.

Red smirked, "It is, isn't it? It took me TWO weeks to build."

He directed his comment towards Pox. Pox glared at him for a moment then got a large chunk of clay. He twisted it with his mind into the shape of the teacher. He tugged on her skirt and lifted it to her.

"For you, Miss Teacher Lady," he smiled innocently.

"Oh, Pox, this is a lovely statue," she smiled brightly. "Thank you!"

"I think of you as my mom because we are cloned from DNA on my planet and I don't really have parents. I have unfeeling robots that take care of me…" Pox frowned and looked like he would cry. (Don't you just want to hug him? Or Red or Purple? They'd look so cute when they were young!)

"Oh Pox…" she hugged him.

After she let go, he smirked victoriously at Red. Purple was heading for the snack table while Red glared daggers at Pox. Purple grabbed two mini-donuts for his best buddy Red and a bag of chocolate covered pretzels for himself. (Don't you want to go to that preskool?)

"I'm on to you, Orthopox," Red pointed at him.

Pox smiled innocently, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh yes, you do! Just remember I'm the favorite student," Red said.

"Nu-uh! I am!" Pox exclaimed.

Pox went over to race toy spaceships with a Klingon boy. (GO STAR TREK!) Red's glare followed his rival all the way over to the toy area.

Purple handed Red his mini-donuts with a happy-go-lucky smile, "Here ya go, buddy!"

"Huh…? Oh, thanks…" he mercilessly ate one, pretending it was Pox's head.

Purple just sat there eating his pretzels and wondering about the mental health of his buddy. Pox was making him go insane with anger, but Purple wasn't sure why. He got along with Pox as well as all of the other children. Red and Pox were the coolest kids in the class. Purple was cool too, but not as cool as Red or Pox.

"Okay kids, it's Nap Time!" the teacher exclaimed.

All of the preskoolers ran to their beds and most fell asleep instantly. The teacher walked out of the room and turned out the lights. Pox and Red both got up, without each other knowing, and walked to the play area. Red grabbed a toy hammer and smashed Pox's clay statue while Pox destroyed Red's castle silently. They both went back to sleep for however long nap time was. After nap time was over, they both awoke to find that their projects had been destroyed.

"ORTHOPOX!" Red screamed when he saw his castle.

Pox saw his statue and screamed, "RED!"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" they screamed in unison.

The teacher gasped when she saw the state of the statue and castle, "Oh my goodness! Now boys, I'm sure it was an accident."

"NO IT WASN'T!" they yelled to the teacher. "HE DID IT BECAUSE HE'S JEALOUS OF ME!"

Red and Pox both pulled out huge guns and aimed them at each other. The teacher grabbed the lasers and pushed both boys into separate corners.

"Both of you should know better, no lasers are allowed in class! If you two have to attack each other, you shoot each other on the playground like everyone else!" she exclaimed.

She left them to their corners, all the while they were glaring at each other while imagining slow and torturous deaths for the other.

: Back to the Present :

"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT!" Pox and Red yelled in unison.

GIR smiled, "That was a cute bedtime story!"

Crypto seemed annoyed, "You two won't help us make a plan because of something that happened in preskool?"

"Well, it was very bad for my confidence," replied Red.

"You're the ruler of Irk!" Crypto exclaimed.

Pox smirked, "Yeah!"

"ENOUGH! ZIM WILL SILENCE THIS STUPID CONVERSATION! My Almighty Tallest, if we work with the Furons, you can reap all of the Earth's snacks!" Zim exclaimed.

"SNACKS!" Purple yelled. "Where do I sign?"

"… Fine… But I won't forgive him!" Red exclaimed.

Pox folded his arms, "Like I forgave you…"

GIR smiled, "I feel so much lurve! I'M GONNA 'SPLODE FROM ALL OF THIS LUUUUURRRRRVVVVEEEE!"

And sure enough, GIR did explode. Three times to be exact.

xXx

Yay! I finally got to write Red and Pox's history! I have been waiting for this since I started this story! Yes, this story will have maybe… One or two more chapters. It is sadly ending. But don't despair! I know what I want to do for the ending and I have a funny sequel idea. And I'm going to get help from my friends (Yeah, that includes you, Bianca!) to write it so it's going to be very weird and very funny, like my friends! But since school is starting soon, updates will possibly take less time because my mind will drift to this stuff while I'm in class and I write A LOT during school. My friends know this. Anyway, hopefully you liked the chapter!

Read and review!


	8. The Middle of the End part2

I can't wait to finish this story! I'm beyond ready to write the sequel. My friends are helping me without even knowing it. That'll make sense when I put up the sequel. But I may end up writing most of this chapter about the human side of things. I love screwing with people's lives. Also, if you thought I was calling this chapter The Beginning of the End (part 2), I LAUGH AT YOUR THOUGHTS OF ME CONFORMING! Ahem… Yes, well, onto the chapter, shall we?

Disclaimer: I don't own any DAH or IZ characters, but I own my version of Mrs. Membrane who I have named Ivana. And thanks again to my buddy Metal Overlord 2.0, who gave me the ideas for the upgraded weapons a long time ago and who has my brain circling with 2 new story ideas. Yep, but he did let me have a human piñata so he's still cool. But I came up with the PK Helmet and the Grashnogs from Glorth-Og 3.14. It's very fun to say, isn't it?

xXx

Chapter 8: The Middle of the End (part 2)

"So what you're saying is that Dark Booty was a Furon?" Silhouette asked.

Dib nodded, "I don't even know who I can trust in the Swollen Eyeball anymore."

"Dib, I can't completely understand what the Swollen Eyeball was really like, but when you work for the government, you can't really keep anyone close to heart," Silhouette put her hand on his shoulder.

As much as Silhouette's hand on his shoulder made him blush, her attempts at comforting were a bit lacking in the comfort department. The black haired preteen who had "foiled" Zim's plans many a time. Well, Dib did that only when Zim didn't foil his own plans. But seeing as Silhouette seemed to be new to the whole being nice, Dib just smiled at her. She smiled back, thinking that she had actually managed to calm his racing mind for a minute. Actually, Dib's mind was trying to wrap itself around the Irken and Furon threat. The Irkens seemed not as capable in the intelligence department, but they brought out a lot of strength in engineering new and awesome weaponry. The Furons seemed very intelligent, but their flaw was their technology. The two seemed to complete each other. But Dib couldn't help but feel that there was something else behind these two forces. Like there was a missing piece of this puzzle. And why did this seem like a very important piece of foreshadowing?

'Foreshadowing…? Pfft… I've been spending too much time in the library,' Dib scoffed at his own thoughts.

"Silhouette?"

"Yes?"

"What…" Dib's voice hitched for a moment, "What will happen to the Earth?"

"I'm not exactly sure. We're finishing a new project that will most likely stop these moronic Furons and Irkens. They'll probably never come back," Silhouette smirked.

Dib paused, looking at his feet. Then he got up enough courage to ask, "And if it isn't enough?"

Silhouette was silent for a moment, and then sighed, "Well… Hopefully it won't come to that."

Dib was silent; that phrase echoing throughout his head. 'Hopefully it won't come to that.' Did that mean that Earth had a snowball's chance in Hell if this project didn't stop them? The amateur paranormal investigator, who, by all means, was too young for all of this, was having second thoughts about telling his father to stop building that escape pod. Then Dib remembered that he was deemed insane by his father and the professor paid Dib's opinion, on situations like this, no mind at all. Dib sighed knowing that people now knew that he was right all along, but it didn't really matter now. None of that really mattered at all anymore.

Silhouette dropped him off at the shelter for the people of his neighborhood. The government had somehow built them a "housing station" that looked like a huge apartment building. They were each assigned a singular "unit" and a keycard to unlock previously mentioned unit. Dib's was Unit 186. (My favorite number.) He walked inside his unit to find it looked exactly like his old room. He had a feeling that the government had several spy satellites, and this had just confirmed his hunch. Dib now had a right to feeling paranoid about his government. Now being called a "paranoid freak" seemed like a complement. Paranoid didn't mean he had an alternate mind set, but now it seemed like a higher intelligence than the rest of the world. Maybe it was like a sixth sense. Dib flopped onto his government bed.

"God… This thing has me thinking paranoid is a good thing…" He stared at the ceiling. "…Damn you, Zim."

He fell asleep after a few moments, but not before doing something he never thought he would do in his life.

A few hours later, Silhouette decided to see how Dib had adjusted. Being part of Majestic, she had the master Keycard to unlock any room she chose. She found Dib asleep on his bed. Smiling at the adorable sight, she walked in quietly. Everything seemed in order from what she could tell. The computer still had the UFO desktop, paranormal posters were everywhere, and Dib still had the dart board with Zim's picture on it. But then something strange was in the air. It smelled like smoke. Searching for the source of the smoke, she glanced at Dib's trashcan. There were burnt papers in the trashcan. She pulled out the pieces that hadn't been completely burned. Once she gave them a skim, she noticed a sticky note attached to the first page that she had missed. Silhouette sighed at the message. She frowned at them and placed them back in the trash can. She left quietly. The papers that had once been Dib's pride and joy, now turned to ash, were his early grade school reports on what he wanted to be when he grew up and every piece of information he had on the Irkens and Furons. The only non-burnt parchment, the sticky note, gave a summed up explanation of what his reasoning was behind burning these important documents:_ I can't believe I wasted my life on this junk._

Dib woke up the next morning and felt somehow cleansed. He checked his trashcan and saw that it was empty. It started as a smile, then it turned into giggles, then it turned into laughter, then Dib was crying and laughing from joy. He was finally free. He felt a little bit emptier, but he was always feeling ready to burst so he was enjoying the extra space. Dib could finally lose the crazy label that had followed him through every year of school. Something told him that even though his days were limited, he would be _enjoying_ his time. Zim wasn't on the same planet so there was no point in worrying about him. The government could handle the few remaining days on its own. Dib didn't have to worry about any paranormal activity so he disconnected any contact to the Swollen Eyeball Network and he didn't even think about calling Silhouette.

Dib looked around his room to see a mirror. He used to avoid his mirror at all costs, looking into it only if he needed to look halfway decent for picture day or something. Dib just stared into his mirror, analyzing the person staring back at him. There was just something different about himself that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Dib checked everything to find out the flaw in his appearance, but everything was in full order. Then the words of his late mother echoed in his voice as he stared into the mirror. The image before him changed into the form of himself when he was five. His mother was sitting on the floor with him in her lap, hugging him defensively as if their doppelgangers were going to come out of the mirror and take him away from her. Then Dib remembered why they were sitting in front of the mirror. It had been his first day of school and a bully had called Dib an "ugly nerd-freak" and stolen his candy bar. Dib came home crying and his mother had sat with him, trying to comfort him.

"You see, Dib, you're not ugly. You are a handsome young boy and that's only the outside," Ivana smiled brightly, her purple hair falling in front of her blue eyes.

The younger Dib turned to his mother, "Do you mean my insides are pretty? But I saw a picture of my organs and they weren't very pretty."

Ivana shook her head and laughed quietly at her son's naivety, "No, silly. Beneath all of those organs is a soul and I can tell that you have a beautiful soul. Your soul is ten times more beautiful than your physical appearance. And just look how handsome you are on the outside!"

Dib took another look in the mirror, "I guess… Mommy, if your soul is ten times more beautiful than how you look on the outside, then your soul must be really, REALLY pretty!"

Ivana just blushed lightly, giving her olive skin a slight pink tint, and hugged her son again.

Dib returned to his reality and stared at himself. He looked into his own eyes, something he could not do for a long time, and stared at the windows to his soul. For a minute, he thought that he could see something shine in his eyes, but whatever it was, it was gone before he could get a second look. Then he heard a sound. A sound like…a chain about to break apart. Then he heard the loud crack and then a "SNAP". Then there was dead silence. It was in this silence that a change began to take place. Dib's whole body started to shake. A tingle came to his lips. An unfamiliar sound came from his mouth. Dib knew he had heard something like it before, but this one sounded more pure. It sounded lighter and more joyful. It was… his laughter. He was laughing for no real reason. Dib felt happier than he had ever felt before in his entire life. He felt truly free.

"This… I've never felt so…" Dib couldn't even find the word to describe it.

Dib, still laughing, ran outside. He thought that he would just go for a walk. He wasn't going to walk with worry about what Zim had in store because he already knew. Dib knew that he was changed for good when he passed Zim's house while walking, paused for a minute, and then kept on walking.

: Back on the Mothership :

Zim and Crypto had Red and Pox in a special room. It had no windows, no TV, but it had one door and a table. That single door was being guarded by Zim and Crypto, who were both armed with new weaponry. Crypto was holding his Shock Blade, a modified version of the Zap-o-Matic. Instead of a bolt of energy firing, it was now a retractable blade of white electricity that, when swung, sends out waves of electricity and shocks anything it slices. Zim was equipped with the Disintegrator Rifles, modified from the beloved Disintegrator Ray. Zim had designed them to be smaller but they pack a punch. (Yes, Zim was the GENIUS behind the newly modified weaponry. Yep, he said GENIUS just like that.) They still shoot rapid shots of hot molten energy, but the shot can be charged so it unleashes a huge burst of energy, disintegrating everything in front of the wielder. On the table was a holographic message. It was an agreement of truce between the Furons and Irkens. All that Red and Pox had to do was put their hands on the scanners on the sides of the projector to say that they agreed. Purple had agreed to the truce a long time ago so he was off doing something irrelevant to the matters at hand. Now only Red and Pox were left to agree.

"The sooner you agree, the sooner we can get out of here," Crypto said, becoming annoyed that he had been in here for three Earth hours.

"NEVER!" the two exclaimed in unison.

Zim sighed, "Tallest Red, Orthopox…JUST AGREE TO THE STUPID TRUCE!"

Pox crossed his arms, "Only if he goes first."

Red did the same, "No way! You first."

"You both are acting like a bunch of Grashnogs from Glorth-Og 3.14!" Crypto snapped. "JUST PUT YOUR DAMN HANDS ON THE SCANNERS!"

When Red and Pox refused, Crypto smirked at Zim. Zim pulled the newly developed PK Helmet out of his Pack. Zim placed it on his head and concentrated on using the helmet's powers. The PK Helmet was supposed to increase the user's Psychokinesis abilities so now Zim had the ability to lift things with his mind. Crypto lifted Pox and Zim lifted Red and they both forced them to put their hands on the scanners. A "PING!" sounded from the scanner and the hologram disappeared. The truce was agreed to and both sides were less than happy about it. In fact, Pox had taken Zim's and Crypto's weapons, giving Red the Shock Blade and taking the Disintegration Rifles for himself. Crypto and Zim, both feeling rather vulnerable, quickly ran out of the room, with waves of electricity and hot energy blasts following. Red and Pox were finally getting along. The guards thought it was a rather touching moment so an Irken guard took a picture. In it Red and Pox had devilish smirks while blasting away while Zim and Crypto had shocked faces as they ran for their lives. The picture just screamed "Merry Platypus" and the guard just put it in his jacket pocket. This picture was lost in a bet with the last surviving Martian who sold it to an Invader Zim fangirl for $1,000,000,000 Astro Dollars, which was about $1.50 in American currency. The fangirl, who foolishly put a scanned copy onto her MySpace, was taken in by the FBI for questioning and her memory was erased. She now works at a Subway restaurant in Albuquerque and always reminds Bugs Bunny to take a left turn.

xXx

Okay, I just have to make Pox and Red get along somehow and they would enjoy blasting at Zim and Crypto. Also, if you didn't get the Merry Platypus thing: at the end of the Christmas episode, Zim dresses up as the Easter Platypus and gets everyone to attack Dib before saying "Merry Platypus, one and all!" and now my friend Alex and I always tell each other Merry Platypus instead of Christmas. Did you guys like the whole mirror scene? I like sharing my views with others, even if they seem uber-cheesy. Well, you know the drill, once you read, please be kind and rewind! No wait… Uh… OH YEAH! Read and review! (mumbling) Oh my goodness, it's been a long day… And a long Sunday… Thank you once again to Metal Overlord 2.0 for listening to my rant and giving me a human piñata.


End file.
